etude of a menagerie on the milky way

Y’know, I feel like this year is gonna be a good year. Like, I’ve seen a couple good omens, including, but not limited to:

I also stumbled upon something from the music lessons place I was going to, but I’m not so sure. And, I also checked this year’s horoscope, and there’s some pretty good signs (haha) as well.

It’s gonna be a good year.

It’s gonna be a good year.

It’s gonna be a good year.

Things I’m excited for this coming year:

It’s gonna be a good year! I know it. Especially if we get some snow. Keep on dreaming. 1-1-19(!) 🌟(Oh, right! Also, his Yoshi’s Wooly World playthrough ended today, and he said that the next one is going to be of a game that was important to a lot of people’s child and teen years, and yet not a lot of people talk about it. I’m actually not sure what he’s going to be playing next, to be honest with you. I also had a dream of some kid at a school plotting a bomb threat. It says that there will be unexpected news, hmm.) 🗻🦅🍆

Okay, so I was watching a vlog of people attending a panel, and they were there to get autographs of the like. If I were there, I would be a blushing, shy, shaking mess of anxiety and tears. I don’t think I would be emotionally capable of meeting them. I feel like I would just faint due to an anxiety attack once I make eye contact between him and I. Even if I was in the back watching. But still, being even in the same room with him is an insane thought of mine. Like, how would that even happen? How much of my soul would I have to give away just to be there? Because, even going to that convention is super expensive, and I’m pretty sure that my mom can’t (and probably won’t) even go with me, and that’s the only person I could go with. Y’know, if I delayed going to school once the season started, since that’s the only convention that’s ON THIS SIDE OF THE DAMN COUNTRY that has that panel. (sorry, it makes me kinda upset) (like I even still go to school. jeez.) Like, why is everything on the east coast? Why is that convention at that time of year? It’s like everything’s going on the east coast and I’m missing out. It doesn’t help that we can’t afford air travel. It makes me upset that there’s another group with a panel, and they’re giving these really cool posters. (yes, i know. “You really want to fly across the whole country just to meet your idol and maybe buy a poster?” ridiculous, i know.) Will my mom be willing to even be there? Why is everything on my bucket list practically impossible and complicated to complete? At least I get to see newer pictures of him, without having to endure a fit of shaking, crying, and making an incoherent fool out of myself. In front of HIM! The man I’ve been raving about for almost an entire year on this thing! Speaking of him, on that same vlog channel, seeing him with glasses is an occasional thing on it and it gives me life. You rarely see him wearing his own glasses.

Oh, and something completely off topic is that the song that’s been stuck in my head recently (Good Life by OneRepublic) is technically turning 10 this year. So is Fireflies by Owl City. And even I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas. That makes me wanna cry. I remember it so vividly. I wish I could travel back to that decade and relive 2005-2009. So many good things that I wanna be a part of was going on then. So many things that I would give anything just to say that I was there while it happened. Life, man. It flies by without notice. I wanna see his videos on trending. I wanna watch The Office as it premiered. I wanna be there when songs like I Write Sins, Not Tragedies and Umbrella was on the radio constantly. I wanna be in California, and enjoy life peacefully. I wish I actually had a good memory, and vividly remember those times.

Speaking of which, I just listened to a mashup of 2009 music and I couldn’t go through the entire thing without crying. I miss a life before school. I wish I had legitimate friends at school in the first place. Then I would have fuel in my motivation tank that went dry a month ago. But the thing is that friends are so emotionally and energetically taxing. A healthy relationship with a boyfriend would be great, too. But, reading/hearing other’s crazy antics and stories is fine with me. Keep on dreaming. 1-2-19 🌟 (630 words in a single day? Is this month’s period coming tomorrow when I wake up? I wonder how it’s like to be in a group of friends. I just wonder how it’s like to have friends in the first place. What the hell is causing this emotion, anyway? Is it because my room is cluttered as hell? What even is emotion? You know what would cheer me up without a doubt? His voice, soothingly speaking directly to me. I just smiled just thinking about it. I just watched an ad that just put me to tears. I wanna be like the duck in it and accomplish my dreams, too. But how? I also wonder if we’ll get snow sometime in the next few months.)

It's almost 5 am. I’m still awake. Why? So, today I traveled down the 101 via Google Maps. Which I really wanna do in real life. My dad even pointed out some restaurants near the Ventura area. Like, the really good ones that are exclusive to that area. Man, I really wanna go over there, and just restart life for a better, successful one. A new beginning. That's all I want.

Anyways, earlier today I was watching a 6 and a half minute interview with him. The best part of it is that the camera was on him, in which I stared at during the whole thing. I noticed that his eyes often went left to right and left again. I wonder why. It's 5 am. Time to sleep. Keep on dreaming. 1-4-19 🌟

I'm typing this in advanced darkness. The power's out and it is not fun. Especially since it's cold and rainy outside. Don't forget windy. Really windy. My phone's at 12%, so I gotta hustle. We're apparently going to In-n-Out in a couple of weeks. Sure. But aren't we going anywhere else? Maybe we'll see something neat, who knows. Might I mention that both the internet and the power went off the same day my period came? I hate it. I don't have much to say. I just wanted to set the fact of me typing this up in a power outage in stone, that's all. Keep on dreaming. 1-5-19🌟

So, my mom is trying to get me back to school again. No thank you. I already suffered enough during the first three months of it, why go back to suffer again, only to die in a crazed school shooting, or to even my own demons? Are the sheds in the shed neighborhood even bullet-proof? Is there anything bullet-proof in the shed neighborhood? I’d rather die to a tsunami caused by San Andreas. At least I’ll die near where I love. Anyways, on to something much, much more positive! So, I was watching the Golden Globes yesterday and it was great. Mostly because EVERYONE WAS THERE. Even two members from the band Queen! But, y’know what would be weird? What if someone else stumbled upon this entire thing? I don’t know what they would think of my makeshift American Public School system rebellion, my dream of a coastal life reboot, or my mumbling of him. What if my mom was the one who came upon it? There would be so much explaining to do and I would be done for life. Also, what if I randomly woke up on the San Buenaventura beach? What if I randomly woke up on the doorstep to his house? All I would know is that A.) Life would turn to the better, and/or B.) It would be insanely awkward. Meh, my mind is blank. Keep on dreaming. 1-7-19 🌟 (one month until my birthday! yay)

You know what’s been on my mind lately? There’s this one picture of him and I think it’s the oldest picture I’ve ever seen of him. He was around ten years younger than when this is currently being typed, and something about the picture haunts me. How was it found? Where was it from? Where was it took? Anyways, something that also haunts me about it is the age gap between myself now and him in the picture. Only a staggering 3-4 years, rather than 14-15. Holy crap. Good thing I saved it. (sorta) Props to the person who found it. (the fact that that’s the man I know and love from a decade ago doesn’t help how mysterious it is...) Anyways, speaking of that person that found the image, there’s something about them that bothers me. So, the way they feel about him is pretty similar to how I feel about him, but there’s something VERY different about how they show it. They’re so open about it, like their FAMILY knows about it. Like, how? How are you so open about him? My parents don’t even like him! But, the good thing here is that we like the same hockey team. This is twice as great knowing that the social media I follow them absolutely HATES said team. Like, why? What did the team do to you? What did CALIFORNIA IN GENERAL do to you? That is where I’m from and I am taking it as an offense that you don’t like the state or the team. This is a double offense knowing that I don’t like and trust people who don’t like things that are DEAR TO MY HEART. (read: hockey side of said social media, my health teacher, my physics teacher, and so on...) That thing’s a complete enigma to me. Anyways, enough ranting about social media. Keep on dreaming. 1-8-19 ⭐ (i can’t believe that that’s him... the same man...)

Okay, so there was a Skype call between him and two of his friends that was uploaded on YouTube, and the reason why it’s on it is a mystery. Basically, what they were talking about is that all three of their accounts were falsely suspended by some jerk, and that’s the main gist of the call. Anyways, I was just reminded how there was a competitive gaming team in California mentioned on TV during a Kings game, and my mom brought up this one kid who got money from technically Let’s Playing who was on Ellen the other day. I mentioned how that sounds like something I would do because... some kid let’s playing, who does that remind you of? But from what my mom said, I gathered that it was a little kid, not a kid fresh out of college. If I can’t meet him, why not be like him? I wouldn’t be surprised if my mom was for me starting a Let’s Playing channel instead of moving to California. But then again, I remember asking her how she thought how I was going to be like when I grow up, she answered: “loud”, so... (it was probably just her getting irritated by him being loud, so...) Imagine pressure for someone like him, though! I couldn’t even handle it for a couple of hours! But, him noticing my existence... sounds like a dream come true... Also, the skype call sounded like a regular conversation between friends, and the closest I’ll ever be in participating in one. Sigh... But, dreams do come true. I know it. All you need is to believe. (do you think my mom is willing to help me start a Let’s Playing career? hmm.) Keep on dreaming. 1-11-19 🌟 (but how would she be willing to help if i’m too scared to be open about it? Ugh, opening up to someone when you have major trust issues and low self esteem. It’s the worst.)

I just spent the last 2 hours folding things and singing terribly to myself. I sure hope nobody heard me sing. Do I regret it? No, as long as nobody heard me. Anyways, so… (crap i forgot what i was thinking about) Oh, right! I remember thinking earlier how cool it was if he requested me to review the episodes he recorded before they are available publicly. I mean, it’s not much, but it’s better than nothing. I could do it how that one guy does on Tumblr. I also remember thinking how much I’m excited to see those calm April/May mornings. Y’know, the sunny ones with the singing birds I hear as I open the window’s blinds to let the light seep in as I enjoy some scheduled time to myself. That’s also why I wanna move to California. The internet went out again, which makes it two times that it’s happened THIS YEAR. Meh, I’m tired. Keep on dreaming. 1-12-19🌟

So, I was just listening to this one remix of Calamari Inkantation from Splatoon, and I gotta say, in the context it’s in, it’s really haunting. Like, it’s nowhere to be found in the first game. But, if you were to go to this particular stage during this particular time of the month by yourself, you can hear it playing off in the distance. If you were to listen to it on YouTube or something, you can hear many voices. I’m guessing that it’s supposed to be taking place at a festival or something, but it’s just plain haunting. Anyways, nightmares aside, let’s talk about something more cheerful. I was watching another vlog, and it was during and around the Colosseum streams, and we actually saw more of the house, and it was more like a mansion. I wonder how much it was to rent. Good god, I feel so paranoid all of a sudden. Can’t I have a peaceful night for once? I would also like the internet back, thanks. Let me sleep peacefully, random sounds!! Also, earlier, he uploaded an hour early, only to take it down due to a mistake. If there was something missing, why was it uploaded early? Still, a mystery it is. Keep on Dreaming. 1-13-19 🌟 (please calm down, random noises!!! I can’t keep my mind off of the idea of him doing an unironically good ASMR video as a joke where he reads that book a friend of his gave him. It sounds ridiculous, but I really want it to happen.)

List of things I could really go for right about now:

So, my dreams got insulted. Again. I got upset about that, probably because I got cranky to begin with. You know what I could also go for about now? Someone who I can text at night before I go to sleep. But, even though that sounds nice, there’s so much more I could do instead. I could also so go for some emotional stability. I feel like I have Sensory Processing Disorder, but I’m not so sure. Keep on Dreaming. 1-17-19 ⭐

We went to the store today and the drive back home felt surreal and magical. It probably was due to the super thick fog. Before we went to the store, Nine in the Afternoon started playing on my phone and I still can’t take my mind off it. It’s just so catchy and Beatles-esque. I also must mention the line “back to the streets where we began” and how the band who made the song went to the place where they first recorded music and recorded Nine in the Afternoon there. It reminds me how I long to move to the Santa Barbara area, where I first began (to live). Speaking of moving, I swear I heard someone say “We’re moving.” to me earlier, but I’m not sure if that was in my dreams or in real life. Also, I remember someone comparing him to The Beatles, which makes sense because they’re both legends that pioneered something vital. And I have a crush on both of them. Sigh… Imagine how nice it would be if I could move to that area and restart life, and possibly get a boyfriend for once. And also jumpstart a successful career in… something. Y’know, the Saturday after my birthday is always surprising to me for some reason. Last year, the Off the Hook concert took place, and we actually moved the year before. Will any of my dreams finally come true? Are we going to move? Or will nothing happen at all? Who knows? Keep on dreaming. 1-19-19 ⭐

So, there’s Yet Another High School Thing™ that I have to go to tomorrow at noon, and my parents are really serious in trying to make me go to it, by the power of pure pressure and guilt tripping. I’m here like, “No thanks! I’ve lost faith in the public school system for way too long! And, besides, there’s LOADS of better things I can do instead.” So, I’m just gonna sleep through it instead as per usual. Unluckily, there seems to be a higher chance of me failing to sleep through Yet Another High School Thing™. Anyways, I’m currently re-re-watching his let’s play of Pikmin 3, and I gotta say, at the time of recording, there’s this mighty fine line in-between his former self and his current self, but that’s probably because of the game he’s playing. Also, I’ve noticed that I can’t seem to have a good day without hearing/seeing him in a video. Hmm. You think we’ll meet one day? Good god, I love that man. Keep on dreaming. 1-21-19 ⭐

Three things I finally realized while re-re-watching that let’s play:

You learn something new everyday, huh? So, about Yet Another High School Thing™, I actually was awake right before my dad was, and I had to actually feign sleep for once. I feel like he actually fell for it, and nothing was mentioned about Yet Another High School Thing™. I’m low-key scared. Right now, I’m listening to some bopping boss music (🅱opping 🅱oss music?) from a game I’ve never heard of. It slaps, though. Thanks, Tumblr! Oh! And also, I found a preview of the next Off the Hook concert and I’m legitimately excited for something for once. Weird. Keep on dreaming. 1-22-19⭐

I've been up for an hour and two weird things have already occurred. Weird thing 1.) I woke up from a sorta-romantic dream that became unusually disturbing 5 minutes before I woke up. Weird thing 2.) Something's wrong with my computer and I can't log in to it. This whole morning is weird and I just wanna log in to my computer and go back to the sorta-romantic dream. 🅱lease. I also had a dream about a foggy coastal town with a french name. Hmm. Keep on dreaming. 1-24-19 🌟 (P.S., It's way later and I got my computer to work. And, his full name and full birthdate, as in month, day, AND year? Forbidden knowledge. Seriously, how do I know this stuff? It will always be a mystery. Concert hype!)

Okay. OKAY. SO. I just finished watching the Off the Hook concert, and if it wasn’t midnight right now, I would be screaming like a fangirl at a Beatles concert because OH MY GOD, this concert was of a GOD’S doing!!! Opening with NASTY MAJESTY? Power move. The start of Shark Bytes? AMAZING. Into the Light? Tears. But, OH MY GOD, Fly Octo Fly?? Legendary. BUUUUT, EBB AND FLOW? GODLY. Marina was A GODDESS during that last part. I stan two GODDESSES. Best 40 minutes of my life. And the most emotional. Marina, you GODDESS. Keep on dreaming. 1-26-19 ⭐(and HOW did they know that Ebb & Flow and Nasty Majesty were my two favorite songs by Off the Hook??? They absolutely glorified the Octo Expansion songs during this concert and I’m all for it. But, can anyone even top this???) P.S. It’s much, much later, but I just wanna say that hearing him say “I love you!” to a friend of his in today’s collab video gives me life. That’s all. I kinda wish that he could say it to me, but is that saying too much? This bothers me along the fact that I really wanna figure out his birth chart, but it feels way too invasive... I wonder if he’s going to start his new project sometime this week. Sigh... Still, I love him...

Drink chamomile tea religiously. I just learned that it doesn’t only help with sleep, but it also helps with stuffy noses. It’s some great news because I usually need help with BOTH. So, keep that in mind, I guess? Anyways, I’ve been on a Disney Parks kick lately, mainly because I’ve been binge-watching videos filmed over there so I can somewhat recover the three years that have passed since I last went. And get me hyped up for when we go in March. That’s gonna be fun to cover, one week in California. I wouldn’t be surprised if my parents purposely abandoned me down on the coast near Santa Barbara. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal, but I guess I have to restart life one way or another. Eh, just a midnight thought dump. Keep on Dreaming. 1-27-19 ⭐ (It’s almost February? Weird.)

I am here with a magnificent discovery. The same person who (somehow) uploaded the Skype call has uploaded a vlog of his that hasn’t seen daylight in a decade. This vlog also solved a question of mine: where did that decade-old picture of him come from? However, it raises another question: if the picture was posted in late 2013, how did they get it, assuming the vlog was deleted shortly after it was uploaded? (which I’m estimating was around mid-April, 2008.) But still, comparing him in the vlog, and comparing him in October’s bonus video... There’s leagues upon leagues of differences between the two, from the vlog’s soulless stare, to the equipment he uses seen in October’s video. How are they the same guy??? Anyways, today is awfully sunny, and I feel like it’s about to go in pre-spring/February mode, characterized by sunny skies and semi-warm temperatures. And a tiny chance of snow. I actually really like pre-spring mode. I also really like the current collab, because it’s less of a collab and more of a chill conversation over him playing a Zelda game. Speaking of re-surfaced videos, the 50 facts video of his was also re-uploaded. It’s weird because other people have re-uploaded it. Still, how brave of him to confess some things, even though several things have changed since 2011. I wonder if he would redo it due to all the changes. It’s 4 am as I’m typing this now, and I’ve been hyped up on Starbucks and been singing for the last 3 hours. Night time is wonderful, isn’t it? Keep on Dreaming. 1-29-19 ⭐

I’m pretty tired, so this one’s gonna be a quick one. So, it’s gonna snow this weekend. I sure hope it does. I hope it’ll stick (not funny) around on my birthday next Thursday. Tomorrow’s Yet Another High School Thing™ and I absolutely have to go, no feigning sleep or anything. It’s at 1 freaking PM. That’s when those guys upload! Wish me luck. On getting some good snow on my birthday. Keep on Dreaming. 1-30-19 ⭐ (rest in peace, Wii Shop Channel. And my school life.)

So. Yet Another High School Thing™ wasn’t that bad, but it did leave me with a couple of questions:

After Yet Another High School Thing™, we went to the park. It was pretty great, despite me accidently scratching my leg on a thorny branch. It still hurts, so I guess you could say that it’s a thorn in my side. I also collected a crap ton of cool rocks. I just realized that I have a 98 page thing about myself and yet no one knows what I’m interested in. That’s weird. It’s time for February! Yay! Keep on Dreaming. 1-31-19 ⭐ (Me? Having more in common with him? It’s more likely than you think~♥)